assent | Day 10 Deito

Day 10 Deito - Yusuke

[ From what she's seen of it, the Shrine is actually rather small. The candles off a nicer, softer light and rather than planning anything romantic, she opts for calming. There isn't much on offer in the room itself, so she takes some paper from the art room along with some colours. She's also brought juice and two glasses with her and has placed them on the side for now.

She actually arrives early, dressed in a blue dress this time with her hair down. It isn't as easy to do the braid on her own so she's left it this time.

When Yusuke arrives he'll find she's already making a swan origami to hopefully put in the shrine to make it prettier than the dreary raccoon monstrosity it is. ]

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I can see how one would find him handsome, certainly. He has a unique charm about him, and he has a nice body that I can appreciate despite his attitude.

[ Oh my god, they're really doing this. ]

That may have been what first caught my attention, yes, however... I think his strongest qualities are more of what make him, him. For example... the life he leads is full of turbulance, he has faced many difficulties, but he can still be incredibly kind. He's... strong. He makes me smile and laugh and is a wonderful performer.

[ Oh no. ]

[yusuke is sketching furiously now]

Those are all fine qualities to possess. Have you told him your feelings yet?

[ Well at least he's getting to sketch her being embarrassed and a lot more like herself. ]

I... I did yesterday, actually.

Excellent. Now he has no excuse not to tell you his feelings.

I did not have the chance to update you this morning-- [ Because she was hungover. ] --but he did yesterday, actually. Rin sat us both down and made us talk.

[ Her expression softens out now, eyes staring off into the distance. ]

In a twist of events, it would seem our situations are not so dissimilar after all.

I see. It is a good thing Okumura did so, because I was thinking along the same lines.

I do not believe it was what he had intended. [ He'd intended fun and games with strip poker, sorry Rin. ] However, I am grateful we were all able to talk a little.

I'm glad to hear it.

[...]

Do you recall when I told you about the situation with Sudoh and Tatsuya?

Yes. [ Talk a little and cry a lot, anyway. ]

Yes, of course I do. Did you tell them why you liked them?

I did. Though, since then, I have thought of more things I need to tell them, so it is a work in progress.

[he chuckles a little, then quiets]

... the days I have with them will be memories I cherish for the rest of my life. Of that I am certain. I won't let them be tainted by the inevitable pain in my future--I have decided to live in the now, to live in each treasured moment I have with them.

[ Her fingers curl against the floor, the smile she gives him this time being sad and... understanding, in a way that the last time they spoke would have been impossible. ]

After you told me about your situation before, I barely slept and worried about the three of you. I had told you to cherish what time you had, but I had hoped that there would be something that could be done. ...Perhaps I should have focused more on myself as it seems... Well, the reason why I said a moment ago that our situations are not so dissimilar is that... Allen had been holding back information as his situation is not so different to Sudoh's. [ She goes quiet. ] Yet he will return nonetheless.

What I am trying to say is... I will try and do the same.

[ What kind of pain did they walk into unknowingly. ]

[yusuke's hand stops sketching]

Sonia...

[ She notices that out of the corner of her eye, her head lowering a little. ]

In the end... is it not more painful for them? Knowing what they have to go back to, choosing to do it anyway because the alternative is too dangerous. [ She inhales sharply, like she might almost cry again now. ] I was never under the impression that the world was a happy place. It is cruel and twisted at best, but I had hoped... that I could have done something to make his happier. Rin, also. You, Sudoh and Tatsuya as well.

I feel so powerless here.

[yusuke sets down his pencil and rises, going over to kneel in front of where she's sitting]

[ She startles when she realises he's moving, her head lifting and her eyes are definitely watery. ]

My apologies... This was hardly a proper conversation for now, was it...?

[ It's mostly out of habit though, not knowing what to say and feeling the need to apologise for showing any emotion. ]

[he leans up and wraps his arms around her, hugging her]

[ The lack of words on his part is what makes it harder. After crying on Allen and Rin yesterday she'd put on a brave face and let herself sink into the belief that it would be fine. She'd told them how she felt, her own circumstances and all of that. It's a weight off her shoulders, but having this hug now feels as freeing as it does suffocating. Warm, yet also making her face those same issues again as the tears spill over. ]

[yusuke's own throat is tight as he speaks, quietly holding her]

Do you regret it? Do you regret loving them?

[ Her shoulders tense, hands reaching to grip onto him anywhere she can--which ends up being close to the hem of his shirt. ]

...I do not, no. As I told them, for the first time I have been able to actually feel something, and while I cannot say for certain if it is love... I would not have changed this at all. No matter how much it may hurt, for once I feel alive.

[ Which is. A pretty harsh thing despite it also being very moving. ]

That, too, is how I feel. No matter the pain it will cause me, I would do it all over again just the same. Every moment, every second.

Yes. [ She inhales again, reaches up between them to try and wipe her eyes. ] I had my suspicions before, of course, however... [ She breathes out. ] I will do my best to ensure their happiness while we are here.

[ And in all fairness, Rin may fight for her to go with him if he wins anyway. She's just being stubborn, Allen has actually got Valid Reasons in the way Tatsuya had so. Yikes. ]

Please do not misunderstand. I do not mean to chastise you. For doing so before, I apologize. The pain of this separation... I understand it all too well. But if you do not regret it... then embrace the feelings you have for them. Let that love, that light, consume you until the pain is nothing but a mere ache. Can you do that?

[ She nods faintly. ]

I understand, and even if I had not understood well before--I knew that you were merely looking out for me. However, I believe so.

[ And thankfully after things she'll learn tomorrow she'll be more willing to leave her world for Rin's anyway. ] I... am sorry for distracting you from your art, however.

It's alright. I may have to give up on it entirely this time; the lighting in here is truly abysmal.

[he draws back]

And it appears I've made my model cry, so I do not think I deserve to draw you until I've made amends.

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