[ If anything, she's gone the opposite way. Back home she had been given little chance of making attachments, had few friends who could understand her and didn't try to take advantage of their relation with her. It's why most of her knowledge of people comes from teachings from her family of how to behave as a royal and... dramas.
It means, as well, that being in Audentes has made her realise she might have craved those attachments. There are people she's latched onto, people she's impressed and people who she just hasn't got to know yet.
In the end, even with all that though, she doesn't really expect this. She doesn't know how deep his own issues go so it's impossible for her to note just how far he's gone out of his way today, though there are signs that show it's difficult. Giovanni has similar issues, but they are also from different backgrounds in that way as well. From how Jesper has described their home to her, it isn't dark and underground as Giovanni's home was so she can't even begin to place what happened there.
She only knows that no one would talk about the queen's plague back at the morgue. It had been brushed over.
She had expected this to be brushed over as well, just as Urahara had brushed over it all when she'd broken down during a call. ]
You... [ She only manages the one word, eyes wide as if she doesn't know whether to step forward or back. All she can think to do is stand there, still as a statue as though time has really stopped. ] ...do?
[i mean, this is kaz we're talking about. it's very hard for him to admit anything about feelings, especially this. but it is true all the same, and it was worth telling.
I see. [ It's all she says for a moment, her hands clasping together now. ] Though that does not change how difficult this is.
When all you can think about is how delicious something may taste, how hungry you are... I have not reached the stage yet where I am tempted to go after another person, but I cannot deny it lies in my future unless we find that cure.
Would you prefer I lose myself to this instead? To wake up from the nightmare of what I had done before... to do that again.
I would not be able to live with myself at all. Perhaps it may be selfish of me to choose this way, but... no one else has to live with what I do. No one should have to see something like that again, so it is safer if I am kept prisoner here, if I lose myself only in these walls.
[kaz listens while she talks - lets her say the whole piece. it's hard to listen to, but he doesn't let that show. hearing it isn't nearly as hard as the way she's having to live it. he can be patient and at least hear her out. after she's done, he keeps his voice as even as he can. as calm as he can.]
I understand it's difficult. But there are different ways of managing it. Ways that hurt your body less.
[ She isn't going to agree either way, simply put she's too stubborn to believe there's a better way for this. At least no way that won't put others in harm when she's slipping up already. ]
Doing something stupid right now would be going outside and putting others at risk. It would have been trying to work at the hospital, when I can barely keep my thoughts in line most of the time.
As you can see, I am not doing either of those things.
[ and sadly she's too stubborn to do otherwise. oops. ]
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It means, as well, that being in Audentes has made her realise she might have craved those attachments. There are people she's latched onto, people she's impressed and people who she just hasn't got to know yet.
In the end, even with all that though, she doesn't really expect this. She doesn't know how deep his own issues go so it's impossible for her to note just how far he's gone out of his way today, though there are signs that show it's difficult. Giovanni has similar issues, but they are also from different backgrounds in that way as well. From how Jesper has described their home to her, it isn't dark and underground as Giovanni's home was so she can't even begin to place what happened there.
She only knows that no one would talk about the queen's plague back at the morgue. It had been brushed over.
She had expected this to be brushed over as well, just as Urahara had brushed over it all when she'd broken down during a call. ]
You... [ She only manages the one word, eyes wide as if she doesn't know whether to step forward or back. All she can think to do is stand there, still as a statue as though time has really stopped. ] ...do?
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[i mean, this is kaz we're talking about. it's very hard for him to admit anything about feelings, especially this. but it is true all the same, and it was worth telling.
especially when she seems so surprised.]
I'm hardly the only one.
[that feels worth reiterating.]
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When all you can think about is how delicious something may taste, how hungry you are... I have not reached the stage yet where I am tempted to go after another person, but I cannot deny it lies in my future unless we find that cure.
Would you prefer I lose myself to this instead? To wake up from the nightmare of what I had done before... to do that again.
I would not be able to live with myself at all. Perhaps it may be selfish of me to choose this way, but... no one else has to live with what I do. No one should have to see something like that again, so it is safer if I am kept prisoner here, if I lose myself only in these walls.
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I understand it's difficult. But there are different ways of managing it. Ways that hurt your body less.
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[ She isn't going to agree either way, simply put she's too stubborn to believe there's a better way for this. At least no way that won't put others in harm when she's slipping up already. ]
Please... do not ask it of me again.
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[but her logic is one that manages to hit him pretty deep, for all he knows he can't show it. that's not going to help him here.]
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As you can see, I am not doing either of those things.
[ and sadly she's too stubborn to do otherwise. oops. ]
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[he makes a frustrated noise, shaking his head.]
I don't want to end up having to be the person who says "I told you so."
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[ She tilts her chin up a little, the perfect picture of a defiant princess for sure. ]
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[ Her hand reaches up, curling around her elbow of her other hand. ]
If you are finished, I would like to return to my work.