[i mean, this is kaz we're talking about. it's very hard for him to admit anything about feelings, especially this. but it is true all the same, and it was worth telling.
I see. [ It's all she says for a moment, her hands clasping together now. ] Though that does not change how difficult this is.
When all you can think about is how delicious something may taste, how hungry you are... I have not reached the stage yet where I am tempted to go after another person, but I cannot deny it lies in my future unless we find that cure.
Would you prefer I lose myself to this instead? To wake up from the nightmare of what I had done before... to do that again.
I would not be able to live with myself at all. Perhaps it may be selfish of me to choose this way, but... no one else has to live with what I do. No one should have to see something like that again, so it is safer if I am kept prisoner here, if I lose myself only in these walls.
[kaz listens while she talks - lets her say the whole piece. it's hard to listen to, but he doesn't let that show. hearing it isn't nearly as hard as the way she's having to live it. he can be patient and at least hear her out. after she's done, he keeps his voice as even as he can. as calm as he can.]
I understand it's difficult. But there are different ways of managing it. Ways that hurt your body less.
[ She isn't going to agree either way, simply put she's too stubborn to believe there's a better way for this. At least no way that won't put others in harm when she's slipping up already. ]
Doing something stupid right now would be going outside and putting others at risk. It would have been trying to work at the hospital, when I can barely keep my thoughts in line most of the time.
As you can see, I am not doing either of those things.
[ and sadly she's too stubborn to do otherwise. oops. ]
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[i mean, this is kaz we're talking about. it's very hard for him to admit anything about feelings, especially this. but it is true all the same, and it was worth telling.
especially when she seems so surprised.]
I'm hardly the only one.
[that feels worth reiterating.]
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When all you can think about is how delicious something may taste, how hungry you are... I have not reached the stage yet where I am tempted to go after another person, but I cannot deny it lies in my future unless we find that cure.
Would you prefer I lose myself to this instead? To wake up from the nightmare of what I had done before... to do that again.
I would not be able to live with myself at all. Perhaps it may be selfish of me to choose this way, but... no one else has to live with what I do. No one should have to see something like that again, so it is safer if I am kept prisoner here, if I lose myself only in these walls.
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I understand it's difficult. But there are different ways of managing it. Ways that hurt your body less.
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[ She isn't going to agree either way, simply put she's too stubborn to believe there's a better way for this. At least no way that won't put others in harm when she's slipping up already. ]
Please... do not ask it of me again.
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[but her logic is one that manages to hit him pretty deep, for all he knows he can't show it. that's not going to help him here.]
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As you can see, I am not doing either of those things.
[ and sadly she's too stubborn to do otherwise. oops. ]
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[he makes a frustrated noise, shaking his head.]
I don't want to end up having to be the person who says "I told you so."
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[ She tilts her chin up a little, the perfect picture of a defiant princess for sure. ]
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[ Her hand reaches up, curling around her elbow of her other hand. ]
If you are finished, I would like to return to my work.